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"OK, Lauren," I finally said. "You're right. It's against every rational standard that could be brought to bear here, but you're right. You know how I feel about you even though I haven't said a word aloud. And you're right, too, that I know how you feel about me without your saying it. Please understand that I worry simply because... well, because it's hard to trust myself. I ask myself if I really know those things, or if I'm just telling myself I know them because that's the way to score a hot chick, to live out a fantasy that so many middle-aged guys probably share. Hell, not just middle-aged guys: I bet you were the star of many fantasies from boys age eleven onwards. My reluctance didn't come from not wanting you, from not wanting this. It came from knowing that I did want this, and not knowing how much self-deception I might be capable of to get it."I lay back on the pillow and stared at the ceiling. "That's why we have rules and societal expectations about age," I said.She. At five, Erin was just getting up from sleeping all day. She grabbed a quick shower, dressed in some sweats, jumped into the Mercedes and headed for work. There would be a small sandwich awaiting her as she entered through the private door. She flashed the guard a pretty smile as he held the door open for you."Welcome Erin, have a nice show," Bill said, tipping his cowboy hat to her."Evening Bill, the place must be packed seeing all these cars. I even saw some with Louisiana and Arkansas plates." You need a coat, not just a sweatshirt," he scolded her."Coming from a warm car to a warm place, not even a little girl like me needs a coat," she fluttered her fingers to him as she entered. She knew the man even before he lost his business to the F-5 because he carried no insurance. It had taught her a lesson about insurance. Pay the bucks to cover everything."How's it going out there, Nats," she took a bite of her sandwich and a swig of Dr. Pepper. Before leaning back to let Natalie do her.
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